Admittedly one of the reasons why I have been standing in this cross road so long is my family: when I take the first step on that path there is no return and nothing will be the same.
That first step is the first step on my way to “born again” (that is how Judaism sees conversion) and it’s the last step in the path formerly known as my non-religious life.
And, no matter how cruel it may to sound to most, in certain ways my parents cease to be my parents.
When I convert and choose my Hebrew name I won’t be daughter of $MYMOTHER, but bat Sarah (some sources claim bat Avraham, some bat Avraham v’Sarah and some bat Sarah) (who, by the way, was also a convert).
When they die I am not allowed to observe the laws of mourning even if I wish to do so.
But, to be completely honest, as I see it it is not cruel, it’s also a form of religious tolerance. As no matter how soothing it would be for me it would be wrong-doing for them – I acknowledge that things which are important to me may not be that to them.
As they will still be my parents I am to committed to respect them no matter how much I may disagree with them.
I am afraid of the anti-semitic tendencies my parents seem to have, and if I hadn’t already parted ways with my brother I would be afraid of his views too. Only person who I trust not having issues with the conversion is my sister, but she has been through conversion-of-a-kind herself, so I think she understands that some things need to be done even you don’t know what they will cause.
To be... 
happyhours said,
June 1, 2007 at 11:45 pm
I realise I don’t know you ‘personally’ but I understand the need to feel comfortable with your religion. I have often thought that although I am ‘technically’ a Christian, I would be happier with a different religion. I am open to new ideas and new ways of thinking and I like to think that I am accepting of people from all walks of life, all types of religion. I respect you for knowing what you want and having the courage to get it for yourself. All too often we do things for other people and sacrifice ourselves in the process. In the end, we only HAVE to live with ourselves and it’s our own being that needs the happiness and satisfactions of life.