Human beings and their beliefs… and singledom with minority’s beliefs.

January 16, 2007 at 9:11 pm (acceptance, love & religion, ponderings)

They say they accept you, they say they try not to convert you, but still they talk of silly habits of your religion, still they preach about Christ.
How stupid they think I am?

Honestly speaking I miss that blessing I had in last spring, as it was never an issue that I believe in what I believe in… he just loved me. And with his love he was real Christian, allow me to say that he was, and is, a better Christian than those who preach about their Lord and saviour. He’s a better Christian, or a believer, than those who visit their temples and read their holy scriptures like Devil reads a Bible…
If someone is a man of G-d he is, as in the end religious tolerance seems to be so rare, too rare, quality in human beings…

I admit, after we crashed, I lost my light for a while. I did ask from G-d why it happened, and G-d never answered to me. And I wondered what I had done, what I had done to have to live trough it.
I have come to a conclusion that there is a meaning: he gave me hope for human kind, he changed me for the better. And he is, still, a blessing.

Now, something happened today, something you may deduce from the first lines of this entry. That something made me think about how likely it is to find someone who’s not only intellectually, emotionally etc. compatible, but who accepts me. Really accepts me and those silly habits and odd ways to worship…

Or maybe I should just grow that wart on top of my nose, convert and stay alone for the rest of my life. At least I’d avoid all the fuss with religion… but I still can’t believe that in 2007 religion can be such an issue to intelligent, civilised individuals.

G-d forbid us.

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Ah well…

April 13, 2006 at 4:22 am (love & religion, Uncategorized)

I fell in love with man who’s baptized as Catholic – but isn’t very religious based on what I know of him.
I don’t know should I be worried, but I’m not a tad worried about that.

And fact is that he loves me as I am. When you find someone like him you don’t actually think anymore will religion be issue or not.
At least I don’t. And I don’t actually think it makes me any worse person than I am. I happen to believe that things happen for a reason.
And this lucky accident… we never meant to fall for each others, but we did. We who have so different backgrounds, we who come from so different parts of the world… we met in last place of cyberspace where you could think of finding someone who complements you.

Maybe I’m delusional, but I don’t believe in coincidences.

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What I really want from my life?

December 13, 2005 at 9:12 pm (acceptance, conversion, family, future, love & religion, ponderings)

It’s an interesting question as I’m not sure.

Ok, in fact I do know what I want, but problem is that I have to choose – though at this phase of my life I have to figure out what is what I want. What I really want. Just not to hurt myself, or anyone else in the future.

I know what I want. I know what I can take and what I can do. But I don’t know am I ready to pay price it may take.
Even I know I have to. Being happy with your life, being contented takes it’s toll, no matter how much I dislike it.

And I know that in the end I want following things:

  • become what I really am
  • convert to religion which has felt good (which has felt right) many years
  • to learn
  • to have a Jewish family, and Jewish children, and teach them beauty of it all
  • to be contented
  • to be loved as myself
  • have a partner who accepts my religion… no, to have a partner who shares my religion

…and never regret.

This may mean (I don’t want to say “It’ll mean.” even I know it might be so, and it’s not that improbable in the end…) that I have to forget my stupid images of love which conquers all and accept that in the end I just can’t be completely happy with a goy.

Sounds harsh, I know, but fact is this:

  • I don’t want to force anyone to live against their religious views (or lack of them) because it’d be strictly against my morals.
  • I don’t want to live life without my G-d, without my religion.
  • I don’t want to wonder am I religiously intolerant if I want to celebrate Shabbat and other holy days – because as I see it: in family everyone celebrates and rejoices at the same time. Family shares.

Is it a family if we don’t share our love? Is it a family if I can’t be me? Is it a family if my partner can’t be him?

No, it’s not.

There’s also one thing I know: I want to be buried in a Jewish cematary when I die. I’m still young, but that’s important to me. And I want to be buried like a Jew, because I’ve never confronted as much respect towards dead as Judaism has.

I want to have that beauty in my life. It just hurts me so much to know that I have to make really big decisions because of it.

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Religion or love? Religion and love?

November 27, 2005 at 10:45 am (conversion, family, interreligion issues, love & religion)

I’ve been thinking about this about 1½ years. In my past it was not an issue as I was married with a man who shared my religious views. (In fact he’s the one to thank when it comes finding religion which suits for me.) It became an issue after we broke up with him.

And now I’m stading in crossing of my life caused by the love of my life and his guest to find himself (before doing anything stupid). He wanted time and space, I got it also and I begun to really think about things….
I lived in image that I can live happily with someone who doesn’t share my religious views, but deep inside of me I was deeply worried. And now I have admitted to it myself.

I don’t know how much I can yield as if I live according to my religious views it’ll show in my daily life and it raises few questions:

  • Could he respect my way of life in the end?
  • Were there someone who’d think that my need to live according to my religion is forcing him to do something, as I’d like my partner respect my religion so much that he could for example celebrate shabbath with me – but I also know him and I’m not sure how he’d feel about it as he has his opinions.
  • And what about rest of the religious holidays?
  • Cimrcumsision? As my kids will be Jewish when they born from a Jewish mother.
  • Jewish school?
  • Etc.

I know I can’t force my kids to be something I am or believe in same things I believe in, but I also know that if I live according to my beliefs and according what I feel is right it’ll show and that’ll affect to my kids no matter does he like it or not.

And then… I don’t want to force him live life which gives pressure for him. In the end I love him too much to cause pain to him.

…Now I understand why most religions do not support interfaith marriages. It gets difficult to say it nicely.

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